hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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