Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
