I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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