Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
