K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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