we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm bleeding and have questions
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
