Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
