Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
