i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
