you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
