Define "chronic" masturbator.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
