Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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