I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
