awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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