I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
