Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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