i can't believe i had my finger in that
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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