Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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