I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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