Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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