What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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