So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
