you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
