Can i not drive my cunt home
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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