Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
