non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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