I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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