i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
