I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
