is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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