I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
