How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
