It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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