all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
