I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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