my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
