I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
