Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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