How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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