Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
