Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
