Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
