Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
