I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
