sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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