my mouth tastes like poor choices
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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