hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
