There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
