You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
