I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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