Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
