I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
