Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
