just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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