i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
