what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There r osticjed everywhere
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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