hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
