whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
