We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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