I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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