So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
