I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
