I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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