Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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