Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
