all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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