Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
