I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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