We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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