Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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