Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
