theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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