found the other keg... it's in the tree
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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