Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
