he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
